Bonjour mes amies!
Since announcing the news of “Babbiccina” I have been asked will my blog become more parent/family-oriented:
I was a lot of things before I was ever a mother, and I have gone to great lengths to keep my identity.
Motherhood will not define me.
Of the two parents, it is socially expected for the mother to morph into the all-consuming provider. It is typically the mother who, pauses or ends her career, stop pursuing higher education, puts hobbies/interest “on the shelf” often to never be taken down.
Mom shaming/guilting is REAL!
I have experienced this shame/guilt from family, strangers, and associates.
Mom shaming comes in all shapes and fashions, for example:
1. A woman is on vacation and posts a picture on social media. Someone comments:
“Cute pic, is (insert child’s name) with you?
2. The woman misses the PTA meeting because she is the sole-provider and cannot leave work.
Staff at child school during pick-up: “Hi, Ms. ________ you never come to PTA meetings.”
3. The woman is at work during a child’s PTA or performance.
Coworkers: “OMG! You’re missing your child’s recital? There’s no way I could do that.”
The mom shaming I’ve experienced has been related to me often traveling, me continuing to go to school although I have several degrees, me constantly acquiring hobbies or simply because I choose not to make my blog/social media centered around my child/family.
There are times when I feel that there isn’t anything a woman who is also a mom can do without someone having something (discouraging) to say.
It’s truly disheartening. What’s more disheartening is how women feel the need to constantly reiterate just how much and what they’re willing to do (i.e sacrifice) for their child/ren, in the most bizarre situations.
Woman/mother: “I love my child beyond imagination, I would give my last breath for my child.”
(Blank stare and awkward pause from SA at Chanel.)
SA at Chanel: Very well is there anything you’re looking for in particular?
D’accord, the aforementioned scenario maybe a bit extreme but we all know that mother.
I have yet to meet a man who introduces himself to other men as:
“Hey, I’m James, father of Rachel, Stacey, and Michael.
On Tuesday I take Michael to softball practice and Thursday is tutoring and violin lessons for Stacey. Rachel hasn’t quite found herself yet, I’m hoping to get her into the arts, she seems to have a keen eye for design. Oh, Rachel is also…”
Yet, I have met women while shopping and by the time we departed I knew the: age, interest, favorite foods, and allergens of their children. I received all of this information without ever knowing the woman’s name.
This blog by no means is to shame the women/mothers who are all child consuming.
I’ve come to think that selecting a parenting style is like selecting wine.
There isn’t a wrong wine to drink, it’s all preference. Some people prefer sweet dessert wine and others (moi) prefer extremely dry full-bodied wines.
Since studying for my WSET Level II I am often asked my opinion about wine selections, what compliments this or that etc.
I tell everyone the same thing “purchase what makes you happy. Irrespective of a label or point ranking.”
If wholly consuming yourself with your family makes you feel 100%, Felicitations!
After posting my views via my Instagram page, I received messages from women/mothers who inadvertently made their child/ren all consuming. They hadn’t realized that their entire identity had been lost when becoming wife and mom.
Pour moi, motherhood is a comma on a very long list of components that captures me.
I will keep my blog and my social media as my-space.
Will the husband and children make brief cameos? Absolutement, they are so much of my life.
But there is still so much of my life that does not involve them, and I do not feel the need to preface that with how much I love and just how willing I am to give my last breath for them.
So mes amies, have you experienced mom shame? Or inadvertently shamed others?
Lastly, if you are a wife or mom, have you lost a lot of yourself in the process?
Strollers & Chanel
Ciao for now!
I lost myself for some years, but I’m getting my groove back to being Stacey first.
I’m single so I take myself out on dates and all that. I love me first and once my man child leaves the nest, what will my identity be? It will be Stacey the great- woman, traveler, career woman, mother and friend.
I’m so excited and proud of you!!!